Living Closer

One of the pleasures of meditating regularly has been the sensation of coming closer to my thoughts and to the feelings in my body. With my eyes closed and my thought stream lulled but also more noticeable, thoughts and physical feelings seem more vivid than usual, a little larger, more in front of me. I remember my wife saying when I started meditating that she liked what I was doing because I came out of meditation in a pretty good mood. And indeed, I did feel cheerier than I sometimes do in the morning. I’ve since taken the cheery part a little for granted, but the sensation of nearness remains fresh. And something else has happened.

I began wondering why the meditation experience is pleasant. What is there in this closeness, this being in better touch with myself, that feels good? Is it what people call “the feeling of being alive”? If so, there is some other element to it, a communal feeling of some kind. I think the meditative clarity feels good the way that feeling included with others can feel good. Feeling not alone. Feeling included among the living. It is a quietly joyful feeling, even a tender one. Words don’t work easily here, but I hope you get the idea.

The experiences have shifted my view of what is pleasant and even loving about my close relationships with others. With my wife, daughter, close friends, sometimes animals, even a writer behind a very satisfying book, I think the gladness that I feel, without being fully conscious of it, is a gladness at being included in a life with them. Much as meditation can bring a feeling of being more at home with myself, so my other close connections bring a feeling of inclusiveness not just with a person but with all living things. Perhaps, as a lover’s passion springs in part from the feeling that the lover and the loved one are united as one, so familial love and a sense of “glad to be alive” gain some of their strength from the warmth of a wider belonging.

Many humanists and naturalists, interested in the intersection of community and spirituality, try to understand better what love means and how to create more of it. We look at its roots in our sociality, in how we, other animals, and even plants cooperate. One of these many roots may be how we process closeness itself as a smiling reminder that we are members in good standing among living things. Perhaps one of the underground streams bubbling up in moments of kindness is the feeling that our sense of ourselves is turned up a notch by the reminder that we are alive together with others. This may hold true, ironically, even when the closeness, as in meditation, is with ourselves.

2 thoughts on “Living Closer

  1. I heard an excellent podcast recently that might explain some of this phenomenon. It was an episode on The Psychology Podcast where the host Scott Barry Kauffman talked with Daniel Siegel speaking about his new book, “Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human.” Siegel said something about how compassionate meditation can be a way to form a secure attachment with yourself. Psychologists have long known the value of such attachments with parents or other loved ones, but it may be available to anyone through meditation. This was a small piece of the episode, but I thought all of it was good. You can find the episode here:

    http://thepsychologypodcast.com/dr-daniel-siegel-on-the-mind-a-journey-to-the-heart-of-being-human/

    • Thanks, Ed. Yes, it’s a rich interview. I like his observations that the integration that takes place in mindfulness and the spaciousness in meditation can manifest themselves as compassion and love. I’ll keep the book in mind. Thanks again.

      Brock

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